Once upon a time, in Philaldelphia there were three young rockers.  One was very, very tall and played in a band called Rizzo Machine.  They sang songs about Philadlephia and water ice and other bands, such as Fire Pussy, who sang songs about beer, and human cheesesteaks and people whose faces looked like toilets.  For a long time, Fire Pussy practiced in the same basement as the Town Managers, who sang about wet dogs and lobster men, and polkadot bandanas.  Now as you may have guessed, the other two rokcers played in the Town Managers and Fire Pussy.  One was very, very fast, and one was very, very, clumsley.

    Over the years the bands played shows together all over Philly in places like Killtime and Stalag 13, and even in the suburbs and other far away places.  Now the very, very tall rocker, put out a 7" for Fire Pussy on Schuylkill Records, but the band just could not figure out how to spell "schuylkill", so they had to break up.  But, soon enough the very, very clusmely rocker and her drummer started a new band called Captain Crash, who dressed up in outragous costumes and sang about cat poop, and bicycles, and muffins.   Meanwhile, the Town Managers broke up and the very, very fast rocker went underground to engage in top secret, covert operations which YOU will NEVER know about.   

    The tides were changing in the Philly punk rock scene.  Oddly enough, the drummer of Captain Crash had some covert operations of her own to embark on in the North, so the band came to an end with the Captain Crash Costume Bash at funrama.  Within the same month or so, many bands broke up for vaious reasons.  Kids United, Bureaubrats, and others, were stricken by the wave of breakups as well as a band called, James Love Jackson.  Amidst the fury, the very, very clumsley rocker and the guitar player from JLJ, pulled the very, very fast rocker out of the underground to form, Umiak.  

    For about a year, Umiak played shows all over while the very, very tall rocker kept busy with his record label, and even played a show when the moon was blue and in line with uranus.  Then KABLAMMO!  There came a great explosion over Philadelphia.  The guitar player from Umiak found himself in LA and the very, very tall rocker had an epiphony.  The explosion had shooken up his well preserved brain, and he realized that he had no choice but to join the very, very fast rocker and the very, very clusmey rocker in starting a new band.  The new band, named after the explosion that brought them together plays songs about Zombie BBQ's and people whose faces look jerky.   KABLAMMO!